barbara walters just said penis...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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