1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
