im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
