Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
