when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
