I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize