R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
