Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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