i just had sex bonerless
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
