So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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