Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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