he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
