sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
