i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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