I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
