i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
