i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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