Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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