weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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