I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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