I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
