Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
