Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
