so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
