She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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