I can text with my tongue
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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