have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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