Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
