Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
