please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
