ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize