Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize