please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
