Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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