I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
