it was like his penis was on wheels.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
