I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
