i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
