i just google imaged poop.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
