marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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