Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
