Pappa wants mamma naked
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize