1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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