before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
