i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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