Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize