I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
