Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think my fart just growled at me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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