Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
