don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
