I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
