If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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