my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
