Just took my morning after pill in the library
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
