mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
