Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
