Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
