are you so shy because you have an std?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
