I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
