she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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