So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He has the fingertips of a God
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