She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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