There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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