i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
