ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
