I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize