I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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