I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
