did you get engaged???
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
