So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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