if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
