Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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