Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize