just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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