Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
