We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
