I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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