Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
