Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
