Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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