You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
