Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
