He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I've blown a few things in my day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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