plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
