the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What a dumb baby whore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
