Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is her dick bigger than yours?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
