i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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