Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
