my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
