She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize