brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
